| A couple things I wrote on the plane |
[19 May 2007|07:51pm] |
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mood |
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 discontent |
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Things I wrote on the plane.
Current mood: discontent
This isn't a cry for help.
It's not a demand for rescue.
It's just a boy in a car,
humming to a guitar
playing songs about running away.
We've all got words
Some of us more than the rest
but if we keep on talking
then there's no time for singing
and we're just wasting our chests.
Your head's mislead
Don't take this for more than it's worth
Cause my idle hands always end up doing
more than my share of work.
This isn't a cry for help.
It's not a demand for rescue.
It's just a boy in a car,
humming to a guitar
playing songs about running away.
You're just a part of my plan that
I have every fall
and the plan is that that isn't
a plan at all.
If you want
you can come along,
but if you don't well
I hope you keep singing my song.
Cause this isn't a cry for help.
Not a demand for rescue.
It's just a boy in a car,
humming to a guitar
playing songs about running away.
----------------------
Let's get-get out! Let's get-get out! Let's get-get out! Get outta town!
Let's get-get out! Let's get-get out! Let's get-get out! Get outta town!
The foundation falls under our feet.
So Let's get-get out! Let's get-get out!
The sun doesn't shine on our side of the street.
So Let's get-get out! Let's get-get out!
Breaking the habit
is seeming so tragic
The whispers in the walls
echo down the halls.
Guns and bullets, the trigger's pulled it's
time to make our move.
Kill. The. Lights.
Flipped switch, now what are you waiting for?
Let's get-get out! Let's get-get out!
Flipped switch, now what are you waiting for?
Let's get-get out! Let's get-get out!
All these soft hears, they get ripped apart.
but we'll keep you safe in a different place.
My hand to my chest, but allegiance opressed.
This isn't just for you, this is for us.
Kill the lights! Kill the lights! Kill the lights!
Let's get-get out! Let's get-get out! Let's get-get out! Get out alive!
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| Trying again. |
[02 May 2007|01:57am] |
we could teach our tongues to talk in different manners than we reference
so often and less honest we're just speaking out at what we feel is
owed to us
a mistrust
and an obvious
disregard
the recognition isn't fitting
to the faces of the flame
that kept us warm and away from harm
to where many hold their mothers and refrain
"my friends are my family!
And i'll never let you get to me!"
But the brothers and sisters
become the bothers and the lists of
complaints and regrets
it seems we failed the test
if we could sit in sight of all the signs that lead us through the night
we'd remember of the times when no roadblocks claimed our right
an interest
in selfishness
and a finger points
at loneliness
funny where the finger points
and arms are bending at the joints
to the hearts that they once held
and now they've happened to have jailed
the songs they sing
through night they ring
said:
"my friends are my family!
And i'll never let you get to me!"
But the brothers and sisters
become the bothers and the lists of
complaints and regrets
it seems we failed the test
I shake my head.
I kneel on legs.
I never knew,
it'd be gone so soon.
I shake my head.
I kneel on legs.
I never knew,
it'd be gone so soon.
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[24 Dec 2005|01:45am] |
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mood |
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taken advantage of |
] |
I hope you enjoy wrapping the fucking presents you bought with the money you owe me.
I haven't bought one single thing.
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| i dunno. make of it what you will |
[24 Mar 2005|11:05pm] |
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I can't help it if I think you're beautiful. Hold it against me. Hold it again. And resent that I find beauty in many. It wasn't for me. It wasn't for you. It just was. Maybe it'll be us. Maybe it'll just be. And beware. That's what they'll say. Cuz I'm an animal, an asshole, a snowstorm in May. I'll paint you with disappointment, but didn't I paint you pretty, ago two days? I was just painting. Painting away. This portraits not finished, cuz you take as I lay. Such a silly, scarring, masochistic game. I love what I am. I love what you were. Let's see if we mix or seperate when you stir. It's hard to see eye to eye when you're 6 inches shy. I still can't see, but I don't ask why. I just do, but at least I don't lie. (maybe the anger will rest in your head...when you realize, regardless, I lie alone in this bed.)
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| here we go again, grab hold, but don't stand so close... |
[26 Feb 2005|01:00pm] |
I'm writing again and I'm working the kinks out. I'm trying to veer into some new direction. this one is just wanna-be emo, but I'm getting on myself more about writing on guitar, writing on paper, putting it together. I really need to read my theory book. Anyway, things have been turned upside down lately. Just unexpected and living for the moment and any problems I have, I've prolly created myself. But here's the first full piece lately.
I'm waitin' for ya to say something (say anything)
always swore to myself that things are getting better everyday
but now I'm just swearing
but now I'm just swearing at myself for this
(so swear to me)
You won't be angry
You won't regret
and above all else
You won't forget
I am poking my head
through the holes in the thread
up through your clothing,
you so comfortable itching for it
I kinda wanna kidnap you
all to myself
saying you'll never be better off
with anyone else
but now I'm just driving
but now I'm just driving us off of a cliff
and remember this
I never fed you lies
I stuffed myself full
several times
I never claimed rational
but I swear it's nothing personal
so now I'm waiting for you to say something (say anything)
so now I'm waiting for you to say something (say anything)
Just say Goodnight
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[11 Jan 2005|12:15am] |
Will we forget this ever happened?
Cuz that's the way it's easiest.
You push aside the memories
and hope for the best.
But I've been locked inside a fireplace,
burnt and choking yet claiming warmth
yet only thing warm I feel
is a gun giving birth
and I'm dreaming in day
colors and shapes imaginary
and i'm think of things
much out of ordinary
and tomorrow will never be
what we hoped today would see
no matter how I try
to myself I tell the biggest lie
pull the drink from my lips for a kiss
it's the same disillusion that i long and miss
do you remember when it all meant more than this
I want you a broken and crying mess
and me being your lifeline
saying "Sorry, I can't hear you miss"
try again, try again, try again.
and I'm dreaming in day
colors and shapes imaginary
and i'm think of things
much out of ordinary
and tomorrow will never be
what we hoped today would see
no matter how I try
to myself I tell the biggest lie
Should we try again?
Should I love again?
Should I take another scar across my chest?
Should I take Should I take
WELL I DO
and I'm dreaming in day
colors and shapes imaginary
and i'm think of things
much out of ordinary
and tomorrow will never be
what we hoped today would see
no matter how I try
to myself i tell the biggest lie
And I've made up for all the time I lost with you
I've taken one minute moments
and lust filled lovers comments
and I've shown affection like glass reflection
and the shards graze on my wrists
I love you like I love myself.
I love you like I love myself.
I love you with vain and doubt.
Give me a day and I'll remember a minute.
I hold in the taste and in a moment I spit it.
Nothings. Ever. Good enough.
Nothings. Ever. Good enough.
Nothings. Ever. Good enough.
Nothings. Ever. Good.
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[12 Dec 2004|02:08pm] |
I've got a pint sized coffee pot.
I've got a pan perfect for making eggs or grilled cheese.
I've got a little jar of mayonnaise.
I've got 19 shot glasses and even more drinking glasses.
I do the dishes when I want.
I've got 4 towels. Hands, floor, mine, your's.
I use your's all the time.
My clothes are all over the floor.
I've got makeshift ashtrays.
I've got a hobby of collecting cigarette butts in a carafe.
I've got a bed big enough for me, myself, and I.
And it's way too big.
So I sleep on the broken futon with the broken lamp on.
So I can try and sleep.
I've got one parking spot.
I've got a poor excuse for a getaway car.
And a thousand excuses to getaway.
I've got a gun with just one bullet.
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| a poem. |
[01 Dec 2004|11:19pm] |
the kids are crying in the playground
they can see their destiny in their mother's eyes
great expectations
obligatory relations
and the scars of her fathers fingertips
and as they grow older they'll hear the stories of what was done
and realize you know no one
the skeletons in the closets can still be heard
a whisper needs no vocal chord
the cemetary lays silent and dusk will bring me there
it only took a sharp turn and a bottle of beer
i'll still tell you my secrets
because you listen
i've gotten so good at make believe
i put in the l-i-e
everyone's eyes gone black and white
the art is lost
we're losing sight
and standing after the stones trip us
isn't even worth the fight
we lay til light
like we have the right
this poem is pointless
much like my life
it seems like the only person
left to kill me is myself
standing with my plate to take what's left
i was the last one in line
nothing is mine
mother you're making this harder
you've always made this so hard
mother you're making this harder
fit so snug in the crook of your arm
mother you're making this harder
now your reach is so far
muffler you're making this harder
turn on the fucking car
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| this is the last time. i just needed it out of my system. |
[01 Dec 2004|10:53pm] |
you smile broken teeth in a shattered photograph
and a crying plea behind a liar's laugh
you wanna drink the blood from me
you wanna drink the blood from me
i've given up and thrown fists high
this my defense this is my reply
you'll never drag me down again
you'll never drag me down again
you're dancing circles in dirt
you're leave treadmarks of hurt
we're sweeping up the mess
and setting fire to your dress
i'm fine i'm fine i'm fine
i'm standing in line
i'm waiting to get mine
just a matter of time
you're knocking on these empty doors
and screaming down to empty floors
you wanna start a party
you wanna start a party
the guests have yet to rsvp
you've let them go so let them be
you wanna crash the party
you wanna crash the party
you throw away the roses
and strike all of the poses
who's behind the camera
who's behind the camera
WITH GLASS TEETH
YOU BITE ME
BUT YOU'VE ALREADY INFECTED ME
THE TIME HAS PASSED WHERE YOU WILL AFFECT ME
ERECT ME IN STONE AS THE LAST LOVER YOU'VE EVER KNOWN
PARADE
PARADE
PARADE
alone
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[13 Nov 2004|10:12am] |
these are the vocals. Kinda rushed tho. http://members.aol.com/Vedderforpres/rollmeaway.mp3
if i could take the falling
i'd want to fall in love
but the wear on my legs
has been all too tough
walking around empty daytime streets
and lit ones all too full
and i'm trying to hold up my head
but it seems i've lost the will
but even if i found you
i wouldn't know what to do
cuz i trip and i stagger
bottom rung of the ladder
don't look back
i'm afraid that the snow is here
to bury me in this coffin
that i'm coughing and shaking in
to take me like they did
my hopes
the cold ropes broke and
we gave up the courage to hold
we gave up the will of what
we pretended would never get old
but even if i found you
i wouldn't know what to do
cuz i trip and i stagger
bottom rung of the ladder
so cheers
to the fallen, sullen skies
you got the best of me
i thought i'd never die
but this may be life nine
i don't want the cold to preserve my body
i don't want the salute of the army
i want to be forgotten
cuz i didn't leave with the right memory
May the wind roll me away.
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[05 Oct 2004|07:46pm] |
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mood |
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 determined |
] |
The wait is almost over....
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[23 Aug 2004|08:45pm] |
I wrote something, but it sucks and it's unfinished.
Plus Caroline, Stubby, and Carlo are here so I'm in a better mood.
Comment, email, or IM if you want to read.
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| RE: Jenny's comment questions |
[23 Aug 2004|08:22pm] |
1) when you movin again?
2a) whos movin in to the apt in your place?
2b) or is roomie leavin too?
3a) where you living?
3b) with who?
3c)want a cat?
4a)whats the new cars name?
4b)or do guys not name their cars like chicks do?
4c)well you are a *special* guy though arent you?
1) I'm gonna try to get most of my shit out of here on the 30th with the help of Caroline and hopefully her brothers.
2a) Fili's taking over my half of the lease and puttin some of her shit in my room.
2b) No.
3a) I'm moving to Weymouth. Woodcrest apartments to be exact. 93S - Exit 7 to Route 3 then Exit 16b (Route 18S) I'm 3 minutes down on the right. Got the guy to give it to me for $850/mo instead of $900. H/HW, parking, balcony, 1 bed, clean. I could throw small parties. Nothing like in Allston though. But hey, you know how I do.
3b) No one.
3c) No. I want a chinchilla.
4a) It doesn't have one.
4b) Not as often. Though my old cars had names. My 79 Dodge Aspen was Blue Beauty and Beast. My 95 Neon was Smiley (yea that's gay, but it looked like it was smiling...) My 90 Acura Integra was Ace. My 92 Jetta was Judy AKA Judy the Jetta Dyke (and it was KB's car's gay lover...I forget its name...) My 94 Integra's name was Gracie Lou Frebush (like Miss Congeniality....cuz it was pretty, yet badass...and grey)
4c) Yes, I am, I guess :-P
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[11 Aug 2004|07:32pm] |
Real quick.
Lately, I've been training at the Walpole store for my new receiving manager position in hingham. Shit's boring. I know everything and haven't been taught anything new really. I'm gonna rock this position. This place has got nothing on the Pru. Exciting and a let down at the same time. I wanted some WORK. But oh well, it's a raise and some perks and shit. I should be interviewing people next week at the Braintree store. My goal is to put an app. in for a place Monday and I'm gonna have to bust ass to pack and figure shit out. I'm moving to Weymouth. I've been really happy and all lately. I love Caroline, (cuz..you didn't know?) Lately at the same time I wanna fucking bury my head in my hands and just scream. Esp. to the new Taking Back Sunday CD which owns me. I'm just disappointed in me with some things and stressed out. I got my car tho. It's kinda pimp. Some things need to be fixed and all, but it runs and pretty well I must say. So hopefully I'll be able to follow through and get around to see people. but with this Hingham shit I'll be busy sometimes. As per request of Jenny, I'll have more writings up soon. I'm at the internet cafe now cuz my fucking A/C adapter pin in my laptop is broken for the THIRD TIME! No power source. So I'll do what I can to be around. You know the #. Gotta get back to my place to meet Caroline. Need to smoke. My nails have been bitten to extreme amounts....peace
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| not a song. |
[01 Aug 2004|05:05pm] |
I thought you were sure this time.
I don't know if she'll ever understand how beautiful I think she is.
Captivating.
How much it feels like my heart fucking bleeds inside when somethings wrong.
I feel like I've been lied to, though.
Hearing these alibis of "scared how much she needs me."
If you're willing to admit you're in love, then there should be no problem.
Unless you think I'm not in love with you.
Hell I'd end every phone conversation with "I'm in love with you" instead of "I love you" if I thought it would make you any more sure.
But you took steps back....stopped calling....you just won't communicate with me.
How can you HAVE love without communication?
Wouldn't you rather talk shit over and hear me out?
Or would you rather let it fester unfixed and be mad at me?
I didn't want to say goodbye like that.
I felt cornered. I felt unappreciated.
If you weren't mad and you know it wasn't my fault, why the attempt to make me feel like shit?
Why prolong the site of me and then be so disgusted?
I was so happy to see you.
I was so nervous. Cuz I knew it was going to be bad.
I knew you were uncomfortable with me being there.
Why?
I got sick outside while waiting for you.
I smoked cigarettes and shook silently.
If you were pushing me away, then why are you so upset?
Cuz I left?
Why can't you just tell me what you want.
If you wanted me to be there, I could have gotten there if you needed me so badly.
I would have done it.
And if I was self-reliant on transportation, I'd have been there.
I'm only days away from a car...weeks from a new place.
not a home.
I was excited to be closer and capable.
But you don't say "can you come home, I want to be with you"
you just say "oh, i'll call you later"
i wonder if you will.
If you'd just said you wanted me home....I'd have been there.
It's where I wanted to be.
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| WARNING: LOVE SONG AHEAD |
[31 Jul 2004|11:58am] |
Last one....this one's actually new.
And I...
I was thinking of leaving
I was thinking of treason
...on my heart
Cuz I was lost with no map and just art.
But I...
I was held tight by the memory
of your captivating company
...so stay with me
Cuz your smile is much warmer than the glow of the TV.
And I'll never play this tune
like I'll ever want it to
But I want to try for your smile
if it's now or a while
I will wait just to coax you.
And I...
I was thinking of leaving
it's a good thing you told me
...the truth
Cuz we've yet to lose our youth
But I...
No but's
and just love
I'll try...
with my might
as long as I have you
with me for each night
And I'll never play this tune
like I'll ever want it to
But I want to try for your smile
if it's now or a while
I will wait just to coax you.
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[31 Jul 2004|11:50am] |
We're intimate like traffic.
Complimentary charismatic.
I have a tendency to turn
rocks to mountains
and try to climb them with my flag
only to fall as far
can we swim like this?
Dive in and keep head high and steady?
can we swim like this?
Are we ready?
Behind you sank sun and scenery
I wish you could see with me
ornamenting you are
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[31 Jul 2004|11:44am] |
I used to have words for all the silences
it was all so hit or miss
and with hushed lips
we would talk through fingertips
so clap once if you want me to stop
or clap twice if it's alright
or three times to mock me for still trying
no matter what it's taking
my leg won't stop shaking
it's been one year and five months
and I haven't stopped loving you once
The formalties and views askew
you know it's all because of you
and overdue
I wanna piece this bliss together
And we'll all try to get along
and be so strong, a shame it's gone wrong
the way we presented this picture
half painted, potentially beautiful
and I wanna be full
my leg won't stop shaking
it's been one year and five months
and I haven't stopped loving you once
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[31 Jul 2004|11:11am] |
Old songs I found that I never posted.
Call me MacGuyver,
cuz I fashioned a noose out of love
on a cemetary of friendships
I'm screaming above
My knees scarred with rocks
i need a sign or some hope
to inspire my heart
upon checking your watch
you say there's no time
you mock my sincerity
as merely a line
and this is a line I won't let crossed
we've come too far to forfeit loss
it's midnight in the cemetary
will we find dawn upon our love
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| I feel like this is a two vocal kinda song. Listening to too much Blood Brothers... |
[21 Jun 2004|03:06pm] |
"Broken hearts in parking lots"
Pretty death kiss
I'll lick your lips
so relentless
force your faux bliss
Carry on as fake messiah
as you whisper "I'm your poison"
it's-so-fun-ny (haha)
so hard I'm dying (haha)
Break the flesh ground
and couns the blood steps
my heart carpet's a mess
you're so careless
(but it comes to you. but it's back to you. but it comessoquickmyjawdropsforyou)
Stained glass portraits
and the red is kismet
you offered shattered
hearts on platters
Break this. Cycle. Try this. Strong will.
Broken wheel shopping cart. Need a new place to shop.
B r o k e n h e a r t s i n p a r k i n g l o t s
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